"That's what she does; she shits bricks."
September 27, 2016
I attended a coaching webinar led by my mentor Brooke Castillo. She was coaching someone who had reservations about buying a luxury car. This person was concerned what others would think of her if she purchased the car and was especially worried what her cousin would say. The cousin apparently had strong opinions on how others spent their money, especially the person being coached. She said the cousin would “shit a brick” if she bought the car, even though it was used and a reasonable price. She continued to give examples of other times the cousin had voiced her opinions about her spending habits and ostensibly shit bricks.
Brooke’s response was “So what if your cousin shits a brick? That’s what she does; she shits bricks. Why are you letting someone else determine what you drive?” Brooke went on to explain that the cousin behaves exactly as she always has- it’s what she does.
You mean we can’t force someone to behave differently? You mean they will consistently react as they always have? You mean their reaction ultimately doesn’t matter?
Whoa. Mind blown.
When I took my first trip to Europe, I kept the planning off of social media, partly to keep someone from knowing about it. This person wasn’t even a close friend, more along the lines of someone I knew in college- but had very strong opinions about how “rich people got to do things”. She’d also asked me for money around that time, which I declined.
Looking back, I’m embarrassed I let someone dictate my excitement of the trip. I spent a lot of mind energy worrying about how she would react.
What a waste.
I wish I’d been able to see that then. So what if she thought I was “rich”? So what if she got mad that I didn’t give her money when I could afford to travel?
Did my college “friend” shit a brick when she found out? I guess. She defriended me from Facebook while I was in Sweden, as I happily shared my vacation.
Turns out, it’s been a refreshing loss. I don’t need any bricks.
I’ve gotten really good now about doing the things I love and not apologizing or hiding. I spend my time, energy and money as I please. It is freedom. If I cause someone to shit a brick, that’s their problem.
One of my favorite statements from Brooke is “Other people’s behavior has no impact on us emotionally until we think about it, interpret it, and choose to make it mean something. No matter what people do, how they act, or what they say, we don’t have to give others the power to determine how we feel.”
That’s how to coexist with the brick shitters.
We cannot control what others think of us and our actions. There’s a significant amount of freedom that comes from letting people do as they do and not getting wrapped up in the stories they choose to create.
It’s hella empowering.
Are you holding back on something because you might have to step over a few bricks? Let’s connect. I know a thing or two about clearing a path.